much ado about nothing dramatis personae don pedro prince of arragon don john his bastard brother claudio a young lord of florence benedick a young lord of padua leonato governor of messina antonio his brother balthasar attendant on don pedro conrade followers of don john borachio friar francis dogberry a constable verges a headborough a sexton a boy hero daughter to leonato beatrice niece to leonato margaret gentlewomen attending on hero ursula messengers watch attendants c lord messenger watchman first watchman second watchman scene messina much ado about nothing act i scene i before leonato s house enter leonato hero and beatrice with a messenger leonato i learn in this letter that don peter of arragon comes this night to messina messenger he is very near by this he was not three leagues off when i left him leonato how many gentlemen have you lost in this action messenger but few of any sort and none of name leonato a victory is twice itself when the achiever brings home full numbers i find here that don peter hath bestowed much honour on a young florentine called claudio messenger much deserved on his part and equally remembered by don pedro he hath borne himself beyond the promise of his age doing in the figure of a lamb the feats of a lion he hath indeed better bettered expectation than you must expect of me to tell you how leonato he hath an uncle here in messina will be very much glad of it messenger i have already delivered him letters and there appears much joy in him even so much that joy could not show itself modest enough without a badge of bitterness leonato did he break out into tears messenger in great measure leonato a kind overflow of kindness there are no faces truer than those that are so washed how much better is it to weep at joy than to joy at weeping beatrice i pray you is signior mountanto returned from the wars or no messenger i know none of that name lady there was none such in the army of any sort leonato what is he that you ask for niece hero my cousin means signior benedick of padua messenger o he s returned and as pleasant as ever he was beatrice he set up his bills here in messina and challenged cupid at the flight and my uncle s fool reading the challenge subscribed for cupid and challenged him at the bird bolt i pray you how many hath he killed and eaten in these wars but how many hath he killed for indeed i promised to eat all of his killing leonato faith niece you tax signior benedick too much but he ll be meet with you i doubt it not messenger he hath done good service lady in these wars beatrice you had musty victual and he hath holp to eat it he is a very valiant trencherman he hath an excellent stomach messenger and a good soldier too lady beatrice and a good soldier to a lady but what is he to a lord messenger a lord to a lord a man to a man stuffed with all honourable virtues beatrice it is so indeed he is no less than a stuffed man but for the stuffing well we are all mortal leonato you must not sir mistake my niece there is a kind of merry war betwixt signior benedick and her they never meet but there s a skirmish of wit between them beatrice alas he gets nothing by that in our last conflict four of his five wits went halting off and now is the whole man governed with one so that if he have wit enough to keep himself warm let him bear it for a difference between himself and his horse for it is all the wealth that he hath left to be known a reasonable creature who is his companion now he hath every month a new sworn brother messenger is t possible beatrice very easily possible he wears his faith but as the fashion of his hat it ever changes with the next block messenger i see lady the gentleman is not in your books beatrice no an he were i would burn my study but i pray you who is his companion is there no young squarer now that will make a voyage with him to the devil messenger he is most in the company of the right noble claudio beatrice o lord he will hang upon him like a disease he is sooner caught than the pestilence and the taker runs presently mad god help the noble claudio if he have caught the benedick it will cost him a thousand pound ere a be cured messenger i will hold friends with you lady beatrice do good friend leonato you will never run mad niece beatrice no not till a hot january messenger don pedro is approached enter don pedro don john claudio benedick and balthasar don pedro good signior leonato you are come to meet your trouble the fashion of the world is to avoid cost and you encounter it leonato never came trouble to my house in the likeness of your grace for trouble being gone comfort should remain but when you depart from me sorrow abides and happiness takes his leave don pedro you embrace your charge too willingly i think this is your daughter leonato her mother hath many times told me so benedick were you in doubt sir that you asked her leonato signior benedick no for then were you a child don pedro you have it full benedick we may guess by this what you are being a man truly the lady fathers herself be happy lady for you are like an honourable father benedick if signior leonato be her father she would not have his head on her shoulders for all messina as like him as she is beatrice i wonder that you will still be talking signior benedick nobody marks you benedick what my dear lady disdain are you yet living beatrice is it possible disdain should die while she hath such meet food to feed it as signior benedick courtesy itself must convert to disdain if you come in her presence benedick then is courtesy a turncoat but it is certain i am loved of all ladies only you excepted and i would i could find in my heart that i had not a hard heart for truly i love none beatrice a dear happiness to women they would else have been troubled with a pernicious suitor i thank god and my cold blood i am of your humour for that i had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man swear he loves me benedick god keep your ladyship still in that mind so some gentleman or other shall scape a predestinate scratched face beatrice scratching could not make it worse an twere such a face as yours were benedick well you are a rare parrot teacher beatrice a bird of my tongue is better than a beast of yours benedick i would my horse had the speed of your tongue and so good a continuer but keep your way i god s name i have done beatrice you always end with a jade s trick i know you of old don pedro that is the sum of all leonato signior claudio and signior benedick my dear friend leonato hath invited you all i tell him we shall stay here at the least a month and he heartily prays some occasion may detain us longer i dare swear he is no hypocrite but prays from his heart leonato if you swear my lord you shall not be forsworn to don john let me bid you welcome my lord being reconciled to the prince your brother i owe you all duty don john i thank you i am not of many words but i thank you leonato please it your grace lead on don pedro your hand leonato we will go together exeunt all except benedick and claudio claudio benedick didst thou note the daughter of signior leonato benedick i noted her not but i looked on her claudio is she not a modest young lady benedick do you question me as an honest man should do for my simple true judgment or would you have me speak after my custom as being a professed tyrant to their sex claudio no i pray thee speak in sober judgment benedick why i faith methinks she s too low for a high praise too brown for a fair praise and too little for a great praise only this commendation i can afford her that were she other than she is she were unhandsome and being no other but as she is i do not like her claudio thou thinkest i am in sport i pray thee tell me truly how thou likest her benedick would you buy her that you inquire after her claudio can the world buy such a jewel benedick yea and a case to put it into but speak you this with a sad brow or do you play the flouting jack to tell us cupid is a good hare finder and vulcan a rare carpenter come in what key shall a man take you to go in the song claudio in mine eye she is the sweetest lady that ever i looked on benedick i can see yet without spectacles and i see no such matter there s her cousin an she were not possessed with a fury exceeds her as much in beauty as the first of may doth the last of december but i hope you have no intent to turn husband have you claudio i would scarce trust myself though i had sworn the contrary if hero would be my wife benedick is t come to this in faith hath not the world one man but he will wear his cap with suspicion shall i never see a bachelor of three score again go to i faith an thou wilt needs thrust thy neck into a yoke wear the print of it and sigh away sundays look don pedro is returned to seek you re enter don pedro don pedro what secret hath held you here that you followed not to leonato s benedick i would your grace would constrain me to tell don pedro i charge thee on thy allegiance benedick you hear count claudio i can be secret as a dumb man i would have you think so but on my allegiance mark you this on my allegiance he is in love with who now that is your grace s part mark how short his answer is with hero leonato s short daughter claudio if this were so so were it uttered benedick like the old tale my lord it is not so nor twas not so but indeed god forbid it should be so claudio if my passion change not shortly god forbid it should be otherwise don pedro amen if you love her for the lady is very well worthy claudio you speak this to fetch me in my lord don pedro by my troth i speak my thought claudio and in faith my lord i spoke mine benedick and by my two faiths and troths my lord i spoke mine claudio that i love her i feel don pedro that she is worthy i know benedick that i neither feel how she should be loved nor know how she should be worthy is the opinion that fire cannot melt out of me i will die in it at the stake don pedro thou wast ever an obstinate heretic in the despite of beauty claudio and never could maintain his part but in the force of his will benedick that a woman conceived me i thank her that she brought me up i likewise give her most humble thanks but that i will have a recheat winded in my forehead or hang my bugle in an invisible baldrick all women shall pardon me because i will not do them the wrong to mistrust any i will do myself the right to trust none and the fine is for the which i may go the finer i will live a bachelor don pedro i shall see thee ere i die look pale with love benedick with anger with sickness or with hunger my lord not with love prove that ever i lose more blood with love than i will get again with drinking pick out mine eyes with a ballad maker s pen and hang me up at the door of a brothel house for the sign of blind cupid don pedro well if ever thou dost fall from this faith thou wilt prove a notable argument benedick if i do hang me in a bottle like a cat and shoot at me and he that hits me let him be clapped on the shoulder and called adam don pedro well as time shall try in time the savage bull doth bear the yoke benedick the savage bull may but if ever the sensible benedick bear it pluck off the bull s horns and set them in my forehead and let me be vilely painted and in such great letters as they write here is good horse to hire let them signify under my sign here you may see benedick the married man claudio if this should ever happen thou wouldst be horn mad don pedro nay if cupid have not spent all his quiver in venice thou wilt quake for this shortly benedick i look for an earthquake too then don pedro well you temporize with the hours in the meantime good signior benedick repair to leonato s commend me to him and tell him i will not fail him at supper for indeed he hath made great preparation benedick i have almost matter enough in me for such an embassage and so i commit you claudio to the tuition of god from my house if i had it don pedro the sixth of july your loving friend benedick benedick nay mock not mock not the body of your discourse is sometime guarded with fragments and the guards are but slightly basted on neither ere you flout old ends any further examine your conscience and so i leave you exit claudio my liege your highness now may do me good don pedro my love is thine to teach teach it but how and thou shalt see how apt it is to learn any hard lesson that may do thee good claudio hath leonato any son my lord don pedro no child but hero she s his only heir dost thou affect her claudio claudio o my lord when you went onward on this ended action i look d upon her with a soldier s eye that liked but had a rougher task in hand than to drive liking to the name of love but now i am return d and that war thoughts have left their places vacant in their rooms come thronging soft and delicate desires all prompting me how fair young hero is saying i liked her ere i went to wars don pedro thou wilt be like a lover presently and tire the hearer with a book of words if thou dost love fair hero cherish it and i will break with her and with her father and thou shalt have her was t not to this end that thou began st to twist so fine a story claudio how sweetly you do minister to love that know love s grief by his complexion but lest my liking might too sudden seem i would have salved it with a longer treatise don pedro what need the bridge much broader than the flood the fairest grant is the necessity look what will serve is fit tis once thou lovest and i will fit thee with the remedy i know we shall have revelling to night i will assume thy part in some disguise and tell fair hero i am claudio and in her bosom i ll unclasp my heart and take her hearing prisoner with the force and strong encounter of my amorous tale then after to her father will i break and the conclusion is she shall be thine in practise let us put it presently exeunt much ado about nothing act i scene ii a room in leonato s house enter leonato and antonio meeting leonato how now brother where is my cousin your son hath he provided this music antonio he is very busy about it but brother i can tell you strange news that you yet dreamt not of leonato are they good antonio as the event stamps them but they have a good cover they show well outward the prince and count claudio walking in a thick pleached alley in mine orchard were thus much overheard by a man of mine the prince discovered to claudio that he loved my niece your daughter and meant to acknowledge it this night in a dance and if he found her accordant he meant to take the present time by the top and instantly break with you of it leonato hath the fellow any wit that told you this antonio a good sharp fellow i will send for him and question him yourself leonato no no we will hold it as a dream till it appear itself but i will acquaint my daughter withal that she may be the better prepared for an answer if peradventure this be true go you and tell her of it enter attendants cousins you know what you have to do o i cry you mercy friend go you with me and i will use your skill good cousin have a care this busy time exeunt much ado about nothing act i scene iii the same enter don john and conrade conrade what the good year my lord why are you thus out of measure sad don john there is no measure in the occasion that breeds therefore the sadness is without limit conrade you should hear reason don john and when i have heard it what blessing brings it conrade if not a present remedy at least a patient sufferance don john i wonder that thou being as thou sayest thou art born under saturn goest about to apply a moral medicine to a mortifying mischief i cannot hide what i am i must be sad when i have cause and smile at no man s jests eat when i have stomach and wait for no man s leisure sleep when i am drowsy and tend on no man s business laugh when i am merry and claw no man in his humour conrade yea but you must not make the full show of this till you may do it without controlment you have of late stood out against your brother and he hath ta en you newly into his grace where it is impossible you should take true root but by the fair weather that you make yourself it is needful that you frame the season for your own harvest don john i had rather be a canker in a hedge than a rose in his grace and it better fits my blood to be disdained of all than to fashion a carriage to rob love from any in this though i cannot be said to be a flattering honest man it must not be denied but i am a plain dealing villain i am trusted with a muzzle and enfranchised with a clog therefore i have decreed not to sing in my cage if i had my mouth i would bite if i had my liberty i would do my liking in the meantime let me be that i am and seek not to alter me conrade can you make no use of your discontent don john i make all use of it for i use it only who comes here enter borachio what news borachio borachio i came yonder from a great supper the prince your brother is royally entertained by leonato and i can give you intelligence of an intended marriage don john will it serve for any model to build mischief on what is he for a fool that betroths himself to unquietness borachio marry it is your brother s right hand don john who the most exquisite claudio borachio even he don john a proper squire and who and who which way looks he borachio marry on hero the daughter and heir of leonato don john a very forward march chick how came you to this borachio being entertained for a perfumer as i was smoking a musty room comes me the prince and claudio hand in hand in sad conference i whipt me behind the arras and there heard it agreed upon that the prince should woo hero for himself and having obtained her give her to count claudio don john come come let us thither this may prove food to my displeasure that young start up hath all the glory of my overthrow if i can cross him any way i bless myself every way you are both sure and will assist me conrade to the death my lord don john let us to the great supper their cheer is the greater that i am subdued would the cook were of my mind shall we go prove what s to be done borachio we ll wait upon your lordship exeunt much ado about nothing act ii scene i a hall in leonato s house enter leonato antonio hero beatrice and others leonato was not count john here at supper antonio i saw him not beatrice how tartly that gentleman looks i never can see him but i am heart burned an hour after hero he is of a very melancholy disposition beatrice he were an excellent man that were made just in the midway between him and benedick the one is too like an image and says nothing and the other too like my lady s eldest son evermore tattling leonato then half signior benedick s tongue in count john s mouth and half count john s melancholy in signior benedick s face beatrice with a good leg and a good foot uncle and money enough in his purse such a man would win any woman in the world if a could get her good will leonato by my troth niece thou wilt never get thee a husband if thou be so shrewd of thy tongue antonio in faith she s too curst beatrice too curst is more than curst i shall lessen god s sending that way for it is said god sends a curst cow short horns but to a cow too curst he sends none leonato so by being too curst god will send you no horns beatrice just if he send me no husband for the which blessing i am at him upon my knees every morning and evening lord i could not endure a husband with a beard on his face i had rather lie in the woollen leonato you may light on a husband that hath no beard beatrice what should i do with him dress him in my apparel and make him my waiting gentlewoman he that hath a beard is more than a youth and he that hath no beard is less than a man and he that is more than a youth is not for me and he that is less than a man i am not for him therefore i will even take sixpence in earnest of the bear ward and lead his apes into hell leonato well then go you into hell beatrice no but to the gate and there will the devil meet me like an old cuckold with horns on his head and say get you to heaven beatrice get you to heaven here s no place for you maids so deliver i up my apes and away to saint peter for the heavens he shows me where the bachelors sit and there live we as merry as the day is long antonio to hero well niece i trust you will be ruled by your father beatrice yes faith it is my cousin s duty to make curtsy and say father as it please you but yet for all that cousin let him be a handsome fellow or else make another curtsy and say father as it please me leonato well niece i hope to see you one day fitted with a husband beatrice not till god make men of some other metal than earth would it not grieve a woman to be overmastered with a pierce of valiant dust to make an account of her life to a clod of wayward marl no uncle i ll none adam s sons are my brethren and truly i hold it a sin to match in my kindred leonato daughter remember what i told you if the prince do solicit you in that kind you know your answer beatrice the fault will be in the music cousin if you be not wooed in good time if the prince be too important tell him there is measure in every thing and so dance out the answer for hear me hero wooing wedding and repenting is as a scotch jig a measure and a cinque pace the first suit is hot and hasty like a scotch jig and full as fantastical the wedding mannerly modest as a measure full of state and ancientry and then comes repentance and with his bad legs falls into the cinque pace faster and faster till he sink into his grave leonato cousin you apprehend passing shrewdly beatrice i have a good eye uncle i can see a church by daylight leonato the revellers are entering brother make good room all put on their masks enter don pedro claudio benedick balthasar don john borachio margaret ursula and others masked don pedro lady will you walk about with your friend hero so you walk softly and look sweetly and say nothing i am yours for the walk and especially when i walk away don pedro with me in your company hero i may say so when i please don pedro and when please you to say so hero when i like your favour for god defend the lute should be like the case don pedro my visor is philemon s roof within the house is jove hero why then your visor should be thatched don pedro speak low if you speak love drawing her aside balthasar well i would you did like me margaret so would not i for your own sake for i have many ill qualities balthasar which is one margaret i say my prayers aloud balthasar i love you the better the hearers may cry amen margaret god match me with a good dancer balthasar amen margaret and god keep him out of my sight when the dance is done answer clerk balthasar no more words the clerk is answered ursula i know you well enough you are signior antonio antonio at a word i am not ursula i know you by the waggling of your head antonio to tell you true i counterfeit him ursula you could never do him so ill well unless you were the very man here s his dry hand up and down you are he you are he antonio at a word i am not ursula come come do you think i do not know you by your excellent wit can virtue hide itself go to mum you are he graces will appear and there s an end beatrice will you not tell me who told you so benedick no you shall pardon me beatrice nor will you not tell me who you are benedick not now beatrice that i was disdainful and that i had my good wit out of the hundred merry tales well this was signior benedick that said so benedick what s he beatrice i am sure you know him well enough benedick not i believe me beatrice did he never make you laugh benedick i pray you what is he beatrice why he is the prince s jester a very dull fool only his gift is in devising impossible slanders none but libertines delight in him and the commendation is not in his wit but in his villany for he both pleases men and angers them and then they laugh at him and beat him i am sure he is in the fleet i would he had boarded me benedick when i know the gentleman i ll tell him what you say beatrice do do he ll but break a comparison or two on me which peradventure not marked or not laughed at strikes him into melancholy and then there s a partridge wing saved for the fool will eat no supper that night music we must follow the leaders benedick in every good thing beatrice nay if they lead to any ill i will leave them at the next turning dance then exeunt all except don john borachio and claudio don john sure my brother is amorous on hero and hath withdrawn her father to break with him about it the ladies follow her and but one visor remains borachio and that is claudio i know him by his bearing don john are not you signior benedick claudio you know me well i am he don john signior you are very near my brother in his love he is enamoured on hero i pray you dissuade him from her she is no equal for his birth you may do the part of an honest man in it claudio how know you he loves her don john i heard him swear his affection borachio so did i too and he swore he would marry her to night don john come let us to the banquet exeunt don john and borachio claudio thus answer i in the name of benedick but hear these ill news with the ears of claudio tis certain so the prince wooes for himself friendship is constant in all other things save in the office and affairs of love therefore all hearts in love use their own tongues let every eye negotiate for itself and trust no agent for beauty is a witch against whose charms faith melteth into blood this is an accident of hourly proof which i mistrusted not farewell therefore hero re enter benedick benedick count claudio claudio yea the same benedick come will you go with me claudio whither benedick even to the next willow about your own business county what fashion will you wear the garland of about your neck like an usurer s chain or under your arm like a lieutenant s scarf you must wear it one way for the prince hath got your hero claudio i wish him joy of her benedick why that s spoken like an honest drovier so they sell bullocks but did you think the prince would have served you thus claudio i pray you leave me benedick ho now you strike like the blind man twas the boy that stole your meat and you ll beat the post claudio if it will not be i ll leave you exit benedick alas poor hurt fowl now will he creep into sedges but that my lady beatrice should know me and not know me the prince s fool ha it may be i go under that title because i am merry yea but so i am apt to do myself wrong i am not so reputed it is the base though bitter disposition of beatrice that puts the world into her person and so gives me out well i ll be revenged as i may re enter don pedro don pedro now signior where s the count did you see him benedick troth my lord i have played the part of lady fame i found him here as melancholy as a lodge in a warren i told him and i think i told him true that your grace had got the good will of this young lady and i offered him my company to a willow tree either to make him a garland as being forsaken or to bind him up a rod as being worthy to be whipped don pedro to be whipped what s his fault benedick the flat transgression of a schoolboy who being overjoyed with finding a birds nest shows it his companion and he steals it don pedro wilt thou make a trust a transgression the transgression is in the stealer benedick yet it had not been amiss the rod had been made and the garland too for the garland he might have worn himself and the rod he might have bestowed on you who as i take it have stolen his birds nest don pedro i will but teach them to sing and restore them to the owner benedick if their singing answer your saying by my faith you say honestly don pedro the lady beatrice hath a quarrel to you the gentleman that danced with her told her she is much wronged by you benedick o she misused me past the endurance of a block an oak but with one green leaf on it would have answered her my very visor began to assume life and scold with her she told me not thinking i had been myself that i was the prince s jester that i was duller than a great thaw huddling jest upon jest with such impossible conveyance upon me that i stood like a man at a mark with a whole army shooting at me she speaks poniards and every word stabs if her breath were as terrible as her terminations there were no living near her she would infect to the north star i would not marry her though she were endowed with all that adam bad left him before he transgressed she would have made hercules have turned spit yea and have cleft his club to make the fire too come talk not of her you shall find her the infernal ate in good apparel i would to god some scholar would conjure her for certainly while she is here a man may live as quiet in hell as in a sanctuary and people sin upon purpose because they would go thither so indeed all disquiet horror and perturbation follows her don pedro look here she comes enter claudio beatrice hero and leonato benedick will your grace command me any service to the world s end i will go on the slightest errand now to the antipodes that you can devise to send me on i will fetch you a tooth picker now from the furthest inch of asia bring you the length of prester john s foot fetch you a hair off the great cham s beard do you any embassage to the pigmies rather than hold three words conference with this harpy you have no employment for me don pedro none but to desire your good company benedick o god sir here s a dish i love not i cannot endure my lady tongue exit don pedro come lady come you have lost the heart of signior benedick beatrice indeed my lord he lent it me awhile and i gave him use for it a double heart for his single one marry once before he won it of me with false dice therefore your grace may well say i have lost it don pedro you have put him down lady you have put him down beatrice so i would not he should do me my lord lest i should prove the mother of fools i have brought count claudio whom you sent me to seek don pedro why how now count wherefore are you sad claudio not sad my lord don pedro how then sick claudio neither my lord beatrice the count is neither sad nor sick nor merry nor well but civil count civil as an orange and something of that jealous complexion don pedro i faith lady i think your blazon to be true though i ll be sworn if he be so his conceit is false here claudio i have wooed in thy name and fair hero is won i have broke with her father and his good will obtained name the day of marriage and god give thee joy leonato count take of me my daughter and with her my fortunes his grace hath made the match and an grace say amen to it beatrice speak count tis your cue claudio silence is the perfectest herald of joy i were but little happy if i could say how much lady as you are mine i am yours i give away myself for you and dote upon the exchange beatrice speak cousin or if you cannot stop his mouth with a kiss and let not him speak neither don pedro in faith lady you have a merry heart beatrice yea my lord i thank it poor fool it keeps on the windy side of care my cousin tells him in his ear that he is in her heart claudio and so she doth cousin beatrice good lord for alliance thus goes every one to the world but i and i am sunburnt i may sit in a corner and cry heigh ho for a husband don pedro lady beatrice i will get you one beatrice i would rather have one of your father s getting hath your grace ne er a brother like you your father got excellent husbands if a maid could come by them don pedro will you have me lady beatrice no my lord unless i might have another for working days your grace is too costly to wear every day but i beseech your grace pardon me i was born to speak all mirth and no matter don pedro your silence most offends me and to be merry best becomes you for out of question you were born in a merry hour beatrice no sure my lord my mother cried but then there was a star danced and under that was i born cousins god give you joy leonato niece will you look to those things i told you of beatrice i cry you mercy uncle by your grace s pardon exit don pedro by my troth a pleasant spirited lady leonato there s little of the melancholy element in her my lord she is never sad but when she sleeps and not ever sad then for i have heard my daughter say she hath often dreamed of unhappiness and waked herself with laughing don pedro she cannot endure to hear tell of a husband leonato o by no means she mocks all her wooers out of suit don pedro she were an excellent wife for benedict leonato o lord my lord if they were but a week married they would talk themselves mad don pedro county claudio when mean you to go to church claudio to morrow my lord time goes on crutches till love have all his rites leonato not till monday my dear son which is hence a just seven night and a time too brief too to have all things answer my mind don pedro come you shake the head at so long a breathing but i warrant thee claudio the time shall not go dully by us i will in the interim undertake one of hercules labours which is to bring signior benedick and the lady beatrice into a mountain of affection the one with the other i would fain have it a match and i doubt not but to fashion it if you three will but minister such assistance as i shall give you direction leonato my lord i am for you though it cost me ten nights watchings claudio and i my lord don pedro and you too gentle hero hero i will do any modest office my lord to help my cousin to a good husband don pedro and benedick is not the unhopefullest husband that i know thus far can i praise him he is of a noble strain of approved valour and confirmed honesty i will teach you how to humour your cousin that she shall fall in love with benedick and i with your two helps will so practise on benedick that in despite of his quick wit and his queasy stomach he shall fall in love with beatrice if we can do this cupid is no longer an archer his glory shall be ours for we are the only love gods go in with me and i will tell you my drift exeunt much ado about nothing act ii scene ii the same enter don john and borachio don john it is so the count claudio shall marry the daughter of leonato borachio yea my lord but i can cross it don john any bar any cross any impediment will be medicinable to me i am sick in displeasure to him and whatsoever comes athwart his affection ranges evenly with mine how canst thou cross this marriage borachio not honestly my lord but so covertly that no dishonesty shall appear in me don john show me briefly how borachio i think i told your lordship a year since how much i am in the favour of margaret the waiting gentlewoman to hero don john i remember borachio i can at any unseasonable instant of the night appoint her to look out at her lady s chamber window don john what life is in that to be the death of this marriage borachio the poison of that lies in you to temper go you to the prince your brother spare not to tell him that he hath wronged his honour in marrying the renowned claudio whose estimation do you mightily hold up to a contaminated stale such a one as hero don john what proof shall i make of that borachio proof enough to misuse the prince to vex claudio to undo hero and kill leonato look you for any other issue don john only to despite them i will endeavour any thing borachio go then find me a meet hour to draw don pedro and the count claudio alone tell them that you know that hero loves me intend a kind of zeal both to the prince and claudio as in love of your brother s honour who hath made this match and his friend s reputation who is thus like to be cozened with the semblance of a maid that you have discovered thus they will scarcely believe this without trial offer them instances which shall bear no less likelihood than to see me at her chamber window hear me call margaret hero hear margaret term me claudio and bring them to see this the very night before the intended wedding for in the meantime i will so fashion the matter that hero shall be absent and there shall appear such seeming truth of hero s disloyalty that jealousy shall be called assurance and all the preparation overthrown don john grow this to what adverse issue it can i will put it in practise be cunning in the working this and thy fee is a thousand ducats borachio be you constant in the accusation and my cunning shall not shame me don john i will presently go learn their day of marriage exeunt much ado about nothing act ii scene iii leonato s orchard enter benedick benedick boy enter boy boy signior benedick in my chamber window lies a book bring it hither to me in the orchard boy i am here already sir benedick i know that but i would have thee hence and here again exit boy i do much wonder that one man seeing how much another man is a fool when he dedicates his behaviors to love will after he hath laughed at such shallow follies in others become the argument of his own scorn by failing in love and such a man is claudio i have known when there was no music with him but the drum and the fife and now had he rather hear the tabour and the pipe i have known when he would have walked ten mile a foot to see a good armour and now will he lie ten nights awake carving the fashion of a new doublet he was wont to speak plain and to the purpose like an honest man and a soldier and now is he turned orthography his words are a very fantastical banquet just so many strange dishes may i be so converted and see with these eyes i cannot tell i think not i will not be sworn but love may transform me to an oyster but i ll take my oath on it till he have made an oyster of me he shall never make me such a fool one woman is fair yet i am well another is wise yet i am well another virtuous yet i am well but till all graces be in one woman one woman shall not come in my grace rich she shall be that s certain wise or i ll none virtuous or i ll never cheapen her fair or i ll never look on her mild or come not near me noble or not i for an angel of good discourse an excellent musician and her hair shall be of what colour it please god ha the prince and monsieur love i will hide me in the arbour withdraws enter don pedro claudio and leonato don pedro come shall we hear this music claudio yea my good lord how still the evening is as hush d on purpose to grace harmony don pedro see you where benedick hath hid himself claudio o very well my lord the music ended we ll fit the kid fox with a pennyworth enter balthasar with music don pedro come balthasar we ll hear that song again balthasar o good my lord tax not so bad a voice to slander music any more than once don pedro it is the witness still of excellency to put a strange face on his own perfection i pray thee sing and let me woo no more balthasar because you talk of wooing i will sing since many a wooer doth commence his suit to her he thinks not worthy yet he wooes yet will he swear he loves don pedro now pray thee come or if thou wilt hold longer argument do it in notes balthasar note this before my notes there s not a note of mine that s worth the noting don pedro why these are very crotchets that he speaks note notes forsooth and nothing air benedick now divine air now is his soul ravished is it not strange that sheeps guts should hale souls out of men s bodies well a horn for my money when all s done the song balthasar sigh no more ladies sigh no more men were deceivers ever one foot in sea and one on shore to one thing constant never then sigh not so but let them go and be you blithe and bonny converting all your sounds of woe into hey nonny nonny sing no more ditties sing no moe of dumps so dull and heavy the fraud of men was ever so since summer first was leafy then sigh not so c don pedro by my troth a good song balthasar and an ill singer my lord don pedro ha no no faith thou singest well enough for a shift benedick an he had been a dog that should have howled thus they would have hanged him and i pray god his bad voice bode no mischief i had as lief have heard the night raven come what plague could have come after it don pedro yea marry dost thou hear balthasar i pray thee get us some excellent music for to morrow night we would have it at the lady hero s chamber window balthasar the best i can my lord don pedro do so farewell exit balthasar come hither leonato what was it you told me of to day that your niece beatrice was in love with signior benedick claudio o ay stalk on stalk on the fowl sits i did never think that lady would have loved any man leonato no nor i neither but most wonderful that she should so dote on signior benedick whom she hath in all outward behaviors seemed ever to abhor benedick is t possible sits the wind in that corner leonato by my troth my lord i cannot tell what to think of it but that she loves him with an enraged affection it is past the infinite of thought don pedro may be she doth but counterfeit claudio faith like enough leonato o god counterfeit there was never counterfeit of passion came so near the life of passion as she discovers it don pedro why what effects of passion shows she claudio bait the hook well this fish will bite leonato what effects my lord she will sit you you heard my daughter tell you how claudio she did indeed don pedro how how pray you you amaze me i would have i thought her spirit had been invincible against all assaults of affection leonato i would have sworn it had my lord especially against benedick benedick i should think this a gull but that the white bearded fellow speaks it knavery cannot sure hide himself in such reverence claudio he hath ta en the infection hold it up don pedro hath she made her affection known to benedick leonato no and swears she never will that s her torment claudio tis true indeed so your daughter says shall i says she that have so oft encountered him with scorn write to him that i love him leonato this says she now when she is beginning to write to him for she ll be up twenty times a night and there will she sit in her smock till she have writ a sheet of paper my daughter tells us all claudio now you talk of a sheet of paper i remember a pretty jest your daughter told us of leonato o when she had writ it and was reading it over she found benedick and beatrice between the sheet claudio that leonato o she tore the letter into a thousand halfpence railed at herself that she should be so immodest to write to one that she knew would flout her i measure him says she by my own spirit for i should flout him if he writ to me yea though i love him i should claudio then down upon her knees she falls weeps sobs beats her heart tears her hair prays curses o sweet benedick god give me patience leonato she doth indeed my daughter says so and the ecstasy hath so much overborne her that my daughter is sometime afeared she will do a desperate outrage to herself it is very true don pedro it were good that benedick knew of it by some other if she will not discover it claudio to what end he would make but a sport of it and torment the poor lady worse don pedro an he should it were an alms to hang him she s an excellent sweet lady and out of all suspicion she is virtuous claudio and she is exceeding wise don pedro in every thing but in loving benedick leonato o my lord wisdom and blood combating in so tender a body we have ten proofs to one that blood hath the victory i am sorry for her as i have just cause being her uncle and her guardian don pedro i would she had bestowed this dotage on me i would have daffed all other respects and made her half myself i pray you tell benedick of it and hear what a will say leonato were it good think you claudio hero thinks surely she will die for she says she will die if he love her not and she will die ere she make her love known and she will die if he woo her rather than she will bate one breath of her accustomed crossness don pedro she doth well if she should make tender of her love tis very possible he ll scorn it for the man as you know all hath a contemptible spirit claudio he is a very proper man don pedro he hath indeed a good outward happiness claudio before god and in my mind very wise don pedro he doth indeed show some sparks that are like wit claudio and i take him to be valiant don pedro as hector i assure you and in the managing of quarrels you may say he is wise for either he avoids them with great discretion or undertakes them with a most christian like fear leonato if he do fear god a must necessarily keep peace if he break the peace he ought to enter into a quarrel with fear and trembling don pedro and so will he do for the man doth fear god howsoever it seems not in him by some large jests he will make well i am sorry for your niece shall we go seek benedick and tell him of her love claudio never tell him my lord let her wear it out with good counsel leonato nay that s impossible she may wear her heart out first don pedro well we will hear further of it by your daughter let it cool the while i love benedick well and i could wish he would modestly examine himself to see how much he is unworthy so good a lady leonato my lord will you walk dinner is ready claudio if he do not dote on her upon this i will never trust my expectation don pedro let there be the same net spread for her and that must your daughter and her gentlewomen carry the sport will be when they hold one an opinion of another s dotage and no such matter that s the scene that i would see which will be merely a dumb show let us send her to call him in to dinner exeunt don pedro claudio and leonato benedick coming forward this can be no trick the conference was sadly borne they have the truth of this from hero they seem to pity the lady it seems her affections have their full bent love me why it must be requited i hear how i am censured they say i will bear myself proudly if i perceive the love come from her they say too that she will rather die than give any sign of affection i did never think to marry i must not seem proud happy are they that hear their detractions and can put them to mending they say the lady is fair tis a truth i can bear them witness and virtuous tis so i cannot reprove it and wise but for loving me by my troth it is no addition to her wit nor no great argument of her folly for i will be horribly in love with her i may chance have some odd quirks and remnants of wit broken on me because i have railed so long against marriage but doth not the appetite alter a man loves the meat in his youth that he cannot endure in his age shall quips and sentences and these paper bullets of the brain awe a man from the career of his humour no the world must be peopled when i said i would die a bachelor i did not think i should live till i were married here comes beatrice by this day she s a fair lady i do spy some marks of love in her enter beatrice beatrice against my will i am sent to bid you come in to dinner benedick fair beatrice i thank you for your pains beatrice i took no more pains for those thanks than you take pains to thank me if it had been painful i would not have come benedick you take pleasure then in the message beatrice yea just so much as you may take upon a knife s point and choke a daw withal you have no stomach signior fare you well exit benedick ha against my will i am sent to bid you come in to dinner there s a double meaning in that i took no more pains for those thanks than you took pains to thank me that s as much as to say any pains that i take for you is as easy as thanks if i do not take pity of her i am a villain if i do not love her i am a jew i will go get her picture exit much ado about nothing act iii scene i leonato s garden enter hero margaret and ursula hero good margaret run thee to the parlor there shalt thou find my cousin beatrice proposing with the prince and claudio whisper her ear and tell her i and ursula walk in the orchard and our whole discourse is all of her say that thou overheard st us and bid her steal into the pleached bower where honeysuckles ripen d by the sun forbid the sun to enter like favourites made proud by princes that advance their pride against that power that bred it there will she hide her to listen our purpose this is thy office bear thee well in it and leave us alone margaret i ll make her come i warrant you presently exit hero now ursula when beatrice doth come as we do trace this alley up and down our talk must only be of benedick when i do name him let it be thy part to praise him more than ever man did merit my talk to thee must be how benedick is sick in love with beatrice of this matter is little cupid s crafty arrow made that only wounds by hearsay enter beatrice behind now begin for look where beatrice like a lapwing runs close by the ground to hear our conference ursula the pleasant st angling is to see the fish cut with her golden oars the silver stream and greedily devour the treacherous bait so angle we for beatrice who even now is couched in the woodbine coverture fear you not my part of the dialogue hero then go we near her that her ear lose nothing of the false sweet bait that we lay for it approaching the bower no truly ursula she is too disdainful i know her spirits are as coy and wild as haggerds of the rock ursula but are you sure that benedick loves beatrice so entirely hero so says the prince and my new trothed lord ursula and did they bid you tell her of it madam hero they did entreat me to acquaint her of it but i persuaded them if they loved benedick to wish him wrestle with affection and never to let beatrice know of it ursula why did you so doth not the gentleman deserve as full as fortunate a bed as ever beatrice shall couch upon hero o god of love i know he doth deserve as much as may be yielded to a man but nature never framed a woman s heart of prouder stuff than that of beatrice disdain and scorn ride sparkling in her eyes misprising what they look on and her wit values itself so highly that to her all matter else seems weak she cannot love nor take no shape nor project of affection she is so self endeared ursula sure i think so and therefore certainly it were not good she knew his love lest she make sport at it hero why you speak truth i never yet saw man how wise how noble young how rarely featured but she would spell him backward if fair faced she would swear the gentleman should be her sister if black why nature drawing of an antique made a foul blot if tall a lance ill headed if low an agate very vilely cut if speaking why a vane blown with all winds if silent why a block moved with none so turns she every man the wrong side out and never gives to truth and virtue that which simpleness and merit purchaseth ursula sure sure such carping is not commendable hero no not to be so odd and from all fashions as beatrice is cannot be commendable but who dare tell her so if i should speak she would mock me into air o she would laugh me out of myself press me to death with wit therefore let benedick like cover d fire consume away in sighs waste inwardly it were a better death than die with mocks which is as bad as die with tickling ursula yet tell her of it hear what she will say hero no rather i will go to benedick and counsel him to fight against his passion and truly i ll devise some honest slanders to stain my cousin with one doth not know how much an ill word may empoison liking ursula o do not do your cousin such a wrong she cannot be so much without true judgment having so swift and excellent a wit as she is prized to have as to refuse so rare a gentleman as signior benedick hero he is the only man of italy always excepted my dear claudio ursula i pray you be not angry with me madam speaking my fancy signior benedick for shape for bearing argument and valour goes foremost in report through italy hero indeed he hath an excellent good name ursula his excellence did earn it ere he had it when are you married madam hero why every day to morrow come go in i ll show thee some attires and have thy counsel which is the best to furnish me to morrow ursula she s limed i warrant you we have caught her madam hero if it proves so then loving goes by haps some cupid kills with arrows some with traps exeunt hero and ursula beatrice coming forward what fire is in mine ears can this be true stand i condemn d for pride and scorn so much contempt farewell and maiden pride adieu no glory lives behind the back of such and benedick love on i will requite thee taming my wild heart to thy loving hand if thou dost love my kindness shall incite thee to bind our loves up in a holy band for others say thou dost deserve and i believe it better than reportingly exit much ado about nothing act iii scene ii a room in leonato s house enter don pedro claudio benedick and leonato don pedro i do but stay till your marriage be consummate and then go i toward arragon claudio i ll bring you thither my lord if you ll vouchsafe me don pedro nay that would be as great a soil in the new gloss of your marriage as to show a child his new coat and forbid him to wear it i will only be bold with benedick for his company for from the crown of his head to the sole of his foot he is all mirth he hath twice or thrice cut cupid s bow string and the little hangman dare not shoot at him he hath a heart as sound as a bell and his tongue is the clapper for what his heart thinks his tongue speaks benedick gallants i am not as i have been leonato so say i methinks you are sadder claudio i hope he be in love don pedro hang him truant there s no true drop of blood in him to be truly touched with love if he be sad he wants money benedick i have the toothache don pedro draw it benedick hang it claudio you must hang it first and draw it afterwards don pedro what sigh for the toothache leonato where is but a humour or a worm benedick well every one can master a grief but he that has it claudio yet say i he is in love don pedro there is no appearance of fancy in him unless it be a fancy that he hath to strange disguises as to be a dutchman today a frenchman to morrow or in the shape of two countries at once as a german from the waist downward all slops and a spaniard from the hip upward no doublet unless he have a fancy to this foolery as it appears he hath he is no fool for fancy as you would have it appear he is claudio if he be not in love with some woman there is no believing old signs a brushes his hat o mornings what should that bode don pedro hath any man seen him at the barber s claudio no but the barber s man hath been seen with him and the old ornament of his cheek hath already stuffed tennis balls leonato indeed he looks younger than he did by the loss of a beard don pedro nay a rubs himself with civet can you smell him out by that claudio that s as much as to say the sweet youth s in love don pedro the greatest note of it is his melancholy claudio and when was he wont to wash his face don pedro yea or to paint himself for the which i hear what they say of him claudio nay but his jesting spirit which is now crept into a lute string and now governed by stops don pedro indeed that tells a heavy tale for him conclude conclude he is in love claudio nay but i know who loves him don pedro that would i know too i warrant one that knows him not claudio yes and his ill conditions and in despite of all dies for him don pedro she shall be buried with her face upwards benedick yet is this no charm for the toothache old signior walk aside with me i have studied eight or nine wise words to speak to you which these hobby horses must not hear exeunt benedick and leonato don pedro for my life to break with him about beatrice claudio tis even so hero and margaret have by this played their parts with beatrice and then the two bears will not bite one another when they meet enter don john don john my lord and brother god save you don pedro good den brother don john if your leisure served i would speak with you don pedro in private don john if it please you yet count claudio may hear for what i would speak of concerns him don pedro what s the matter don john to claudio means your lordship to be married to morrow don pedro you know he does don john i know not that when he knows what i know claudio if there be any impediment i pray you discover it don john you may think i love you not let that appear hereafter and aim better at me by that i now will manifest for my brother i think he holds you well and in dearness of heart hath holp to effect your ensuing marriage surely suit ill spent and labour ill bestowed don pedro why what s the matter don john i came hither to tell you and circumstances shortened for she has been too long a talking of the lady is disloyal claudio who hero don pedro even she leonato s hero your hero every man s hero claudio disloyal don john the word is too good to paint out her wickedness i could say she were worse think you of a worse title and i will fit her to it wonder not till further warrant go but with me to night you shall see her chamber window entered even the night before her wedding day if you love her then to morrow wed her but it would better fit your honour to change your mind claudio may this be so don pedro i will not think it don john if you dare not trust that you see confess not that you know if you will follow me i will show you enough and when you have seen more and heard more proceed accordingly claudio if i see any thing to night why i should not marry her to morrow in the congregation where i should wed there will i shame her don pedro and as i wooed for thee to obtain her i will join with thee to disgrace her don john i will disparage her no farther till you are my witnesses bear it coldly but till midnight and let the issue show itself don pedro o day untowardly turned claudio o mischief strangely thwarting don john o plague right well prevented so will you say when you have seen the sequel exeunt much ado about nothing act iii scene iii a street enter dogberry and verges with the watch dogberry are you good men and true verges yea or else it were pity but they should suffer salvation body and soul dogberry nay that were a punishment too good for them if they should have any allegiance in them being chosen for the prince s watch verges well give them their charge neighbour dogberry dogberry first who think you the most desertless man to be constable first watchman hugh otecake sir or george seacole for they can write and read dogberry come hither neighbour seacole god hath blessed you with a good name to be a well favoured man is the gift of fortune but to write and read comes by nature second watchman both which master constable dogberry you have i knew it would be your answer well for your favour sir why give god thanks and make no boast of it and for your writing and reading let that appear when there is no need of such vanity you are thought here to be the most senseless and fit man for the constable of the watch therefore bear you the lantern this is your charge you shall comprehend all vagrom men you are to bid any man stand in the prince s name second watchman how if a will not stand dogberry why then take no note of him but let him go and presently call the rest of the watch together and thank god you are rid of a knave verges if he will not stand when he is bidden he is none of the prince s subjects dogberry true and they are to meddle with none but the prince s subjects you shall also make no noise in the streets for for the watch to babble and to talk is most tolerable and not to be endured watchman we will rather sleep than talk we know what belongs to a watch dogberry why you speak like an ancient and most quiet watchman for i cannot see how sleeping should offend only have a care that your bills be not stolen well you are to call at all the ale houses and bid those that are drunk get them to bed watchman how if they will not dogberry why then let them alone till they are sober if they make you not then the better answer you may say they are not the men you took them for watchman well sir dogberry if you meet a thief you may suspect him by virtue of your office to be no true man and for such kind of men the less you meddle or make with them why the more is for your honesty watchman if we know him to be a thief shall we not lay hands on him dogberry truly by your office you may but i think they that touch pitch will be defiled the most peaceable way for you if you do take a thief is to let him show himself what he is and steal out of your company verges you have been always called a merciful man partner dogberry truly i would not hang a dog by my will much more a man who hath any honesty in him verges if you hear a child cry in the night you must call to the nurse and bid her still it watchman how if the nurse be asleep and will not hear us dogberry why then depart in peace and let the child wake her with crying for the ewe that will not hear her lamb when it baes will never answer a calf when he bleats verges tis very true dogberry this is the end of the charge you constable are to present the prince s own person if you meet the prince in the night you may stay him verges nay by r our lady that i think a cannot dogberry five shillings to one on t with any man that knows the statutes he may stay him marry not without the prince be willing for indeed the watch ought to offend no man and it is an offence to stay a man against his will verges by r lady i think it be so dogberry ha ha ha well masters good night an there be any matter of weight chances call up me keep your fellows counsels and your own and good night come neighbour watchman well masters we hear our charge let us go sit here upon the church bench till two and then all to bed dogberry one word more honest neighbours i pray you watch about signior leonato s door for the wedding being there to morrow there is a great coil to night adieu be vigitant i beseech you exeunt dogberry and verges enter borachio and conrade borachio what conrade watchman aside peace stir not borachio conrade i say conrade here man i am at thy elbow borachio mass and my elbow itched i thought there would a scab follow conrade i will owe thee an answer for that and now forward with thy tale borachio stand thee close then under this pent house for it drizzles rain and i will like a true drunkard utter all to thee watchman aside some treason masters yet stand close borachio therefore know i have earned of don john a thousand ducats conrade is it possible that any villany should be so dear borachio thou shouldst rather ask if it were possible any villany should be so rich for when rich villains have need of poor ones poor ones may make what price they will conrade i wonder at it borachio that shows thou art unconfirmed thou knowest that the fashion of a doublet or a hat or a cloak is nothing to a man conrade yes it is apparel borachio i mean the fashion conrade yes the fashion is the fashion borachio tush i may as well say the fool s the fool but seest thou not what a deformed thief this fashion is watchman aside i know that deformed a has been a vile thief this seven year a goes up and down like a gentleman i remember his name borachio didst thou not hear somebody conrade no twas the vane on the house borachio seest thou not i say what a deformed thief this fashion is how giddily a turns about all the hot bloods between fourteen and five and thirty sometimes fashioning them like pharaoh s soldiers in the reeky painting sometime like god bel s priests in the old church window sometime like the shaven hercules in the smirched worm eaten tapestry where his codpiece seems as massy as his club conrade all this i see and i see that the fashion wears out more apparel than the man but art not thou thyself giddy with the fashion too that thou hast shifted out of thy tale into telling me of the fashion borachio not so neither but know that i have to night wooed margaret the lady hero s gentlewoman by the name of hero she leans me out at her mistress chamber window bids me a thousand times good night i tell this tale vilely i should first tell thee how the prince claudio and my master planted and placed and possessed by my master don john saw afar off in the orchard this amiable encounter conrade and thought they margaret was hero borachio two of them did the prince and claudio but the devil my master knew she was margaret and partly by his oaths which first possessed them partly by the dark night which did deceive them but chiefly by my villany which did confirm any slander that don john had made away went claudio enraged swore he would meet her as he was appointed next morning at the temple and there before the whole congregation shame her with what he saw o er night and send her home again without a husband first watchman we charge you in the prince s name stand second watchman call up the right master constable we have here recovered the most dangerous piece of lechery that ever was known in the commonwealth first watchman and one deformed is one of them i know him a wears a lock conrade masters masters second watchman you ll be made bring deformed forth i warrant you conrade masters first watchman never speak we charge you let us obey you to go with us borachio we are like to prove a goodly commodity being taken up of these men s bills conrade a commodity in question i warrant you come we ll obey you exeunt much ado about nothing act iii scene iv hero s apartment enter hero margaret and ursula hero good ursula wake my cousin beatrice and desire her to rise ursula i will lady hero and bid her come hither ursula well exit margaret troth i think your other rabato were better hero no pray thee good meg i ll wear this margaret by my troth s not so good and i warrant your cousin will say so hero my cousin s a fool and thou art another i ll wear none but this margaret i like the new tire within excellently if the hair were a thought browner and your gown s a most rare fashion i faith i saw the duchess of milan s gown that they praise so hero o that exceeds they say margaret by my troth s but a night gown in respect of yours cloth o gold and cuts and laced with silver set with pearls down sleeves side sleeves and skirts round underborne with a bluish tinsel but for a fine quaint graceful and excellent fashion yours is worth ten on t hero god give me joy to wear it for my heart is exceeding heavy margaret twill be heavier soon by the weight of a man hero fie upon thee art not ashamed margaret of what lady of speaking honourably is not marriage honourable in a beggar is not your lord honourable without marriage i think you would have me say saving your reverence a husband and bad thinking do not wrest true speaking i ll offend nobody is there any harm in the heavier for a husband none i think and it be the right husband and the right wife otherwise tis light and not heavy ask my lady beatrice else here she comes enter beatrice hero good morrow coz beatrice good morrow sweet hero hero why how now do you speak in the sick tune beatrice i am out of all other tune methinks margaret clap s into light o love that goes without a burden do you sing it and i ll dance it beatrice ye light o love with your heels then if your husband have stables enough you ll see he shall lack no barns margaret o illegitimate construction i scorn that with my heels beatrice tis almost five o clock cousin tis time you were ready by my troth i am exceeding ill heigh ho margaret for a hawk a horse or a husband beatrice for the letter that begins them all h margaret well and you be not turned turk there s no more sailing by the star beatrice what means the fool trow margaret nothing i but god send every one their heart s desire hero these gloves the count sent me they are an excellent perfume beatrice i am stuffed cousin i cannot smell margaret a maid and stuffed there s goodly catching of cold beatrice o god help me god help me how long have you professed apprehension margaret even since you left it doth not my wit become me rarely beatrice it is not seen enough you should wear it in your cap by my troth i am sick margaret get you some of this distilled carduus benedictus and lay it to your heart it is the only thing for a qualm hero there thou prickest her with a thistle beatrice benedictus why benedictus you have some moral in this benedictus margaret moral no by my troth i have no moral meaning i meant plain holy thistle you may think perchance that i think you are in love nay by r lady i am not such a fool to think what i list nor i list not to think what i can nor indeed i cannot think if i would think my heart out of thinking that you are in love or that you will be in love or that you can be in love yet benedick was such another and now is he become a man he swore he would never marry and yet now in despite of his heart he eats his meat without grudging and how you may be converted i know not but methinks you look with your eyes as other women do beatrice what pace is this that thy tongue keeps margaret not a false gallop re enter ursula ursula madam withdraw the prince the count signior benedick don john and all the gallants of the town are come to fetch you to church hero help to dress me good coz good meg good ursula exeunt much ado about nothing act iii scene v another room in leonato s house enter leonato with dogberry and verges leonato what would you with me honest neighbour dogberry marry sir i would have some confidence with you that decerns you nearly leonato brief i pray you for you see it is a busy time with me dogberry marry this it is sir verges yes in truth it is sir leonato what is it my good friends dogberry goodman verges sir speaks a little off the matter an old man sir and his wits are not so blunt as god help i would desire they were but in faith honest as the skin between his brows verges yes i thank god i am as honest as any man living that is an old man and no honester than i dogberry comparisons are odorous palabras neighbour verges leonato neighbours you are tedious dogberry it pleases your worship to say so but we are the poor duke s officers but truly for mine own part if i were as tedious as a king i could find it in my heart to bestow it all of your worship leonato all thy tediousness on me ah dogberry yea an twere a thousand pound more than tis for i hear as good exclamation on your worship as of any man in the city and though i be but a poor man i am glad to hear it verges and so am i leonato i would fain know what you have to say verges marry sir our watch to night excepting your worship s presence ha ta en a couple of as arrant knaves as any in messina dogberry a good old man sir he will be talking as they say when the age is in the wit is out god help us it is a world to see well said i faith neighbour verges well god s a good man an two men ride of a horse one must ride behind an honest soul i faith sir by my troth he is as ever broke bread but god is to be worshipped all men are not alike alas good neighbour leonato indeed neighbour he comes too short of you dogberry gifts that god gives leonato i must leave you dogberry one word sir our watch sir have indeed comprehended two aspicious persons and we would have them this morning examined before your worship leonato take their examination yourself and bring it me i am now in great haste as it may appear unto you dogberry it shall be suffigance leonato drink some wine ere you go fare you well enter a messenger messenger my lord they stay for you to give your daughter to her husband leonato i ll wait upon them i am ready exeunt leonato and messenger dogberry go good partner go get you to francis seacole bid him bring his pen and inkhorn to the gaol we are now to examination these men verges and we must do it wisely dogberry we will spare for no wit i warrant you here s that shall drive some of them to a non come only get the learned writer to set down our excommunication and meet me at the gaol exeunt much ado about nothing act iv scene i a church enter don pedro don john leonato friar francis claudio benedick hero beatrice and attendants leonato come friar francis be brief only to the plain form of marriage and you shall recount their particular duties afterwards friar francis you come hither my lord to marry this lady claudio no leonato to be married to her friar you come to marry her friar francis lady you come hither to be married to this count hero i do friar francis if either of you know any inward impediment why you should not be conjoined charge you on your souls to utter it claudio know you any hero hero none my lord friar francis know you any count leonato i dare make his answer none claudio o what men dare do what men may do what men daily do not knowing what they do benedick how now interjections why then some be of laughing as ah ha he claudio stand thee by friar father by your leave will you with free and unconstrained soul give me this maid your daughter leonato as freely son as god did give her me claudio and what have i to give you back whose worth may counterpoise this rich and precious gift don pedro nothing unless you render her again claudio sweet prince you learn me noble thankfulness there leonato take her back again give not this rotten orange to your friend she s but the sign and semblance of her honour behold how like a maid she blushes here o what authority and show of truth can cunning sin cover itself withal comes not that blood as modest evidence to witness simple virtue would you not swear all you that see her that she were a maid by these exterior shows but she is none she knows the heat of a luxurious bed her blush is guiltiness not modesty leonato what do you mean my lord claudio not to be married not to knit my soul to an approved wanton leonato dear my lord if you in your own proof have vanquish d the resistance of her youth and made defeat of her virginity claudio i know what you would say if i have known her you will say she did embrace me as a husband and so extenuate the forehand sin no leonato i never tempted her with word too large but as a brother to his sister show d bashful sincerity and comely love hero and seem d i ever otherwise to you claudio out on thee seeming i will write against it you seem to me as dian in her orb as chaste as is the bud ere it be blown but you are more intemperate in your blood than venus or those pamper d animals that rage in savage sensuality hero is my lord well that he doth speak so wide leonato sweet prince why speak not you don pedro what should i speak i stand dishonour d that have gone about to link my dear friend to a common stale leonato are these things spoken or do i but dream don john sir they are spoken and these things are true benedick this looks not like a nuptial hero true o god claudio leonato stand i here is this the prince is this the prince s brother is this face hero s are our eyes our own leonato all this is so but what of this my lord claudio let me but move one question to your daughter and by that fatherly and kindly power that you have in her bid her answer truly leonato i charge thee do so as thou art my child hero o god defend me how am i beset what kind of catechising call you this claudio to make you answer truly to your name hero is it not hero who can blot that name with any just reproach claudio marry that can hero hero itself can blot out hero s virtue what man was he talk d with you yesternight out at your window betwixt twelve and one now if you are a maid answer to this hero i talk d with no man at that hour my lord don pedro why then are you no maiden leonato i am sorry you must hear upon mine honour myself my brother and this grieved count did see her hear her at that hour last night talk with a ruffian at her chamber window who hath indeed most like a liberal villain confess d the vile encounters they have had a thousand times in secret don john fie fie they are not to be named my lord not to be spoke of there is not chastity enough in language without offence to utter them thus pretty lady i am sorry for thy much misgovernment claudio o hero what a hero hadst thou been if half thy outward graces had been placed about thy thoughts and counsels of thy heart but fare thee well most foul most fair farewell thou pure impiety and impious purity for thee i ll lock up all the gates of love and on my eyelids shall conjecture hang to turn all beauty into thoughts of harm and never shall it more be gracious leonato hath no man s dagger here a point for me hero swoons beatrice why how now cousin wherefore sink you down don john come let us go these things come thus to light smother her spirits up exeunt don pedro don john and claudio benedick how doth the lady beatrice dead i think help uncle hero why hero uncle signior benedick friar leonato o fate take not away thy heavy hand death is the fairest cover for her shame that may be wish d for beatrice how now cousin hero friar francis have comfort lady leonato dost thou look up friar francis yea wherefore should she not leonato wherefore why doth not every earthly thing cry shame upon her could she here deny the story that is printed in her blood do not live hero do not ope thine eyes for did i think thou wouldst not quickly die thought i thy spirits were stronger than thy shames myself would on the rearward of reproaches strike at thy life grieved i i had but one chid i for that at frugal nature s frame o one too much by thee why had i one why ever wast thou lovely in my eyes why had i not with charitable hand took up a beggar s issue at my gates who smirch d thus and mired with infamy i might have said no part of it is mine this shame derives itself from unknown loins but mine and mine i loved and mine i praised and mine that i was proud on mine so much that i myself was to myself not mine valuing of her why she o she is fallen into a pit of ink that the wide sea hath drops too few to wash her clean again and salt too little which may season give to her foul tainted flesh benedick sir sir be patient for my part i am so attired in wonder i know not what to say beatrice o on my soul my cousin is belied benedick lady were you her bedfellow last night beatrice no truly not although until last night i have this twelvemonth been her bedfellow leonato confirm d confirm d o that is stronger made which was before barr d up with ribs of iron would the two princes lie and claudio lie who loved her so that speaking of her foulness wash d it with tears hence from her let her die friar francis hear me a little for i have only been silent so long and given way unto this course of fortune by noting of the lady i have mark d a thousand blushing apparitions to start into her face a thousand innocent shames in angel whiteness beat away those blushes and in her eye there hath appear d a fire to burn the errors that these princes hold against her maiden truth call me a fool trust not my reading nor my observations which with experimental seal doth warrant the tenor of my book trust not my age my reverence calling nor divinity if this sweet lady lie not guiltless here under some biting error leonato friar it cannot be thou seest that all the grace that she hath left is that she will not add to her damnation a sin of perjury she not denies it why seek st thou then to cover with excuse that which appears in proper nakedness friar francis lady what man is he you are accused of hero they know that do accuse me i know none if i know more of any man alive than that which maiden modesty doth warrant let all my sins lack mercy o my father prove you that any man with me conversed at hours unmeet or that i yesternight maintain d the change of words with any creature refuse me hate me torture me to death friar francis there is some strange misprision in the princes benedick two of them have the very bent of honour and if their wisdoms be misled in this the practise of it lives in john the bastard whose spirits toil in frame of villanies leonato i know not if they speak but truth of her these hands shall tear her if they wrong her honour the proudest of them shall well hear of it time hath not yet so dried this blood of mine nor age so eat up my invention nor fortune made such havoc of my means nor my bad life reft me so much of friends but they shall find awaked in such a kind both strength of limb and policy of mind ability in means and choice of friends to quit me of them throughly friar francis pause awhile and let my counsel sway you in this case your daughter here the princes left for dead let her awhile be secretly kept in and publish it that she is dead indeed maintain a mourning ostentation and on your family s old monument hang mournful epitaphs and do all rites that appertain unto a burial leonato what shall become of this what will this do friar francis marry this well carried shall on her behalf change slander to remorse that is some good but not for that dream i on this strange course but on this travail look for greater birth she dying as it must so be maintain d upon the instant that she was accused shall be lamented pitied and excused of every hearer for it so falls out that what we have we prize not to the worth whiles we enjoy it but being lack d and lost why then we rack the value then we find the virtue that possession would not show us whiles it was ours so will it fare with claudio when he shall hear she died upon his words the idea of her life shall sweetly creep into his study of imagination and every lovely organ of her life shall come apparell d in more precious habit more moving delicate and full of life into the eye and prospect of his soul than when she lived indeed then shall he mourn if ever love had interest in his liver and wish he had not so accused her no though he thought his accusation true let this be so and doubt not but success will fashion the event in better shape than i can lay it down in likelihood but if all aim but this be levell d false the supposition of the lady s death will quench the wonder of her infamy and if it sort not well you may conceal her as best befits her wounded reputation in some reclusive and religious life out of all eyes tongues minds and injuries benedick signior leonato let the friar advise you and though you know my inwardness and love is very much unto the prince and claudio yet by mine honour i will deal in this as secretly and justly as your soul should with your body leonato being that i flow in grief the smallest twine may lead me friar francis tis well consented presently away for to strange sores strangely they strain the cure come lady die to live this wedding day perhaps is but prolong d have patience and endure exeunt all but benedick and beatrice benedick lady beatrice have you wept all this while beatrice yea and i will weep a while longer benedick i will not desire that beatrice you have no reason i do it freely benedick surely i do believe your fair cousin is wronged beatrice ah how much might the man deserve of me that would right her benedick is there any way to show such friendship beatrice a very even way but no such friend benedick may a man do it beatrice it is a man s office but not yours benedick i do love nothing in the world so well as you is not that strange beatrice as strange as the thing i know not it were as possible for me to say i loved nothing so well as you but believe me not and yet i lie not i confess nothing nor i deny nothing i am sorry for my cousin benedick by my sword beatrice thou lovest me beatrice do not swear and eat it benedick i will swear by it that you love me and i will make him eat it that says i love not you beatrice will you not eat your word benedick with no sauce that can be devised to it i protest i love thee beatrice why then god forgive me benedick what offence sweet beatrice beatrice you have stayed me in a happy hour i was about to protest i loved you benedick and do it with all thy heart beatrice i love you with so much of my heart that none is left to protest benedick come bid me do any thing for thee beatrice kill claudio benedick ha not for the wide world beatrice you kill me to deny it farewell benedick tarry sweet beatrice beatrice i am gone though i am here there is no love in you nay i pray you let me go benedick beatrice beatrice in faith i will go benedick we ll be friends first beatrice you dare easier be friends with me than fight with mine enemy benedick is claudio thine enemy beatrice is he not approved in the height a villain that hath slandered scorned dishonoured my kinswoman o that i were a man what bear her in hand until they come to take hands and then with public accusation uncovered slander unmitigated rancour o god that i were a man i would eat his heart in the market place benedick hear me beatrice beatrice talk with a man out at a window a proper saying benedick nay but beatrice beatrice sweet hero she is wronged she is slandered she is undone benedick beat beatrice princes and counties surely a princely testimony a goodly count count comfect a sweet gallant surely o that i were a man for his sake or that i had any friend would be a man for my sake but manhood is melted into courtesies valour into compliment and men are only turned into tongue and trim ones too he is now as valiant as hercules that only tells a lie and swears it i cannot be a man with wishing therefore i will die a woman with grieving benedick tarry good beatrice by this hand i love thee beatrice use it for my love some other way than swearing by it benedick think you in your soul the count claudio hath wronged hero beatrice yea as sure as i have a thought or a soul benedick enough i am engaged i will challenge him i will kiss your hand and so i leave you by this hand claudio shall render me a dear account as you hear of me so think of me go comfort your cousin i must say she is dead and so farewell exeunt much ado about nothing act iv scene ii a prison enter dogberry verges and sexton in gowns and the watch with conrade and borachio dogberry is our whole dissembly appeared verges o a stool and a cushion for the sexton sexton which be the malefactors dogberry marry that am i and my partner verges nay that s certain we have the exhibition to examine sexton but which are the offenders that are to be examined let them come before master constable dogberry yea marry let them come before me what is your name friend borachio borachio dogberry pray write down borachio yours sirrah conrade i am a gentleman sir and my name is conrade dogberry write down master gentleman conrade masters do you serve god conrade yea sir we hope borachio dogberry write down that they hope they serve god and write god first for god defend but god should go before such villains masters it is proved already that you are little better than false knaves and it will go near to be thought so shortly how answer you for yourselves conrade marry sir we say we are none dogberry a marvellous witty fellow i assure you but i will go about with him come you hither sirrah a word in your ear sir i say to you it is thought you are false knaves borachio sir i say to you we are none dogberry well stand aside fore god they are both in a tale have you writ down that they are none sexton master constable you go not the way to examine you must call forth the watch that are their accusers dogberry yea marry that s the eftest way let the watch come forth masters i charge you in the prince s name accuse these men first watchman this man said sir that don john the prince s brother was a villain dogberry write down prince john a villain why this is flat perjury to call a prince s brother villain borachio master constable dogberry pray thee fellow peace i do not like thy look i promise thee sexton what heard you him say else second watchman marry that he had received a thousand ducats of don john for accusing the lady hero wrongfully dogberry flat burglary as ever was committed verges yea by mass that it is sexton what else fellow first watchman and that count claudio did mean upon his words to disgrace hero before the whole assembly and not marry her dogberry o villain thou wilt be condemned into everlasting redemption for this sexton what else watchman this is all sexton and this is more masters than you can deny prince john is this morning secretly stolen away hero was in this manner accused in this very manner refused and upon the grief of this suddenly died master constable let these men be bound and brought to leonato s i will go before and show him their examination exit dogberry come let them be opinioned verges let them be in the hands conrade off coxcomb dogberry god s my life where s the sexton let him write down the prince s officer coxcomb come bind them thou naughty varlet conrade away you are an ass you are an ass dogberry dost thou not suspect my place dost thou not suspect my years o that he were here to write me down an ass but masters remember that i am an ass though it be not written down yet forget not that i am an ass no thou villain thou art full of piety as shall be proved upon thee by good witness i am a wise fellow and which is more an officer and which is more a householder and which is more as pretty a piece of flesh as any is in messina and one that knows the law go to and a rich fellow enough go to and a fellow that hath had losses and one that hath two gowns and every thing handsome about him bring him away o that i had been writ down an ass exeunt much ado about nothing act v scene i before leonato s house enter leonato and antonio antonio if you go on thus you will kill yourself and tis not wisdom thus to second grief against yourself leonato i pray thee cease thy counsel which falls into mine ears as profitless as water in a sieve give not me counsel nor let no comforter delight mine ear but such a one whose wrongs do suit with mine bring me a father that so loved his child whose joy of her is overwhelm d like mine and bid him speak of patience measure his woe the length and breadth of mine and let it answer every strain for strain as thus for thus and such a grief for such in every lineament branch shape and form if such a one will smile and stroke his beard bid sorrow wag cry hem when he should groan patch grief with proverbs make misfortune drunk with candle wasters bring him yet to me and i of him will gather patience but there is no such man for brother men can counsel and speak comfort to that grief which they themselves not feel but tasting it their counsel turns to passion which before would give preceptial medicine to rage fetter strong madness in a silken thread charm ache with air and agony with words no no tis all men s office to speak patience to those that wring under the load of sorrow but no man s virtue nor sufficiency to be so moral when he shall endure the like himself therefore give me no counsel my griefs cry louder than advertisement antonio therein do men from children nothing differ leonato i pray thee peace i will be flesh and blood for there was never yet philosopher that could endure the toothache patiently however they have writ the style of gods and made a push at chance and sufferance antonio yet bend not all the harm upon yourself make those that do offend you suffer too leonato there thou speak st reason nay i will do so my soul doth tell me hero is belied and that shall claudio know so shall the prince and all of them that thus dishonour her antonio here comes the prince and claudio hastily enter don pedro and claudio don pedro good den good den claudio good day to both of you leonato hear you my lords don pedro we have some haste leonato leonato some haste my lord well fare you well my lord are you so hasty now well all is one don pedro nay do not quarrel with us good old man antonio if he could right himself with quarreling some of us would lie low claudio who wrongs him leonato marry thou dost wrong me thou dissembler thou nay never lay thy hand upon thy sword i fear thee not claudio marry beshrew my hand if it should give your age such cause of fear in faith my hand meant nothing to my sword leonato tush tush man never fleer and jest at me i speak not like a dotard nor a fool as under privilege of age to brag what i have done being young or what would do were i not old know claudio to thy head thou hast so wrong d mine innocent child and me that i am forced to lay my reverence by and with grey hairs and bruise of many days do challenge thee to trial of a man i say thou hast belied mine innocent child thy slander hath gone through and through her heart and she lies buried with her ancestors o in a tomb where never scandal slept save this of hers framed by thy villany claudio my villany leonato thine claudio thine i say don pedro you say not right old man leonato my lord my lord i ll prove it on his body if he dare despite his nice fence and his active practise his may of youth and bloom of lustihood claudio away i will not have to do with you leonato canst thou so daff me thou hast kill d my child if thou kill st me boy thou shalt kill a man antonio he shall kill two of us and men indeed but that s no matter let him kill one first win me and wear me let him answer me come follow me boy come sir boy come follow me sir boy i ll whip you from your foining fence nay as i am a gentleman i will leonato brother antonio content yourself god knows i loved my niece and she is dead slander d to death by villains that dare as well answer a man indeed as i dare take a serpent by the tongue boys apes braggarts jacks milksops leonato brother antony antonio hold you content what man i know them yea and what they weigh even to the utmost scruple scrambling out facing fashion monging boys that lie and cog and flout deprave and slander go anticly show outward hideousness and speak off half a dozen dangerous words how they might hurt their enemies if they durst and this is all leonato but brother antony antonio come tis no matter do not you meddle let me deal in this don pedro gentlemen both we will not wake your patience my heart is sorry for your daughter s death but on my honour she was charged with nothing but what was true and very full of proof leonato my lord my lord don pedro i will not hear you leonato no come brother away i will be heard antonio and shall or some of us will smart for it exeunt leonato and antonio don pedro see see here comes the man we went to seek enter benedick claudio now signior what news benedick good day my lord don pedro welcome signior you are almost come to part almost a fray claudio we had like to have had our two noses snapped off with two old men without teeth don pedro leonato and his brother what thinkest thou had we fought i doubt we should have been too young for them benedick in a false quarrel there is no true valour i came to seek you both claudio we have been up and down to seek thee for we are high proof melancholy and would fain have it beaten away wilt thou use thy wit benedick it is in my scabbard shall i draw it don pedro dost thou wear thy wit by thy side claudio never any did so though very many have been beside their wit i will bid thee draw as we do the minstrels draw to pleasure us don pedro as i am an honest man he looks pale art thou sick or angry claudio what courage man what though care killed a cat thou hast mettle enough in thee to kill care benedick sir i shall meet your wit in the career and you charge it against me i pray you choose another subject claudio nay then give him another staff this last was broke cross don pedro by this light he changes more and more i think he be angry indeed claudio if he be he knows how to turn his girdle benedick shall i speak a word in your ear claudio god bless me from a challenge benedick aside to claudio you are a villain i jest not i will make it good how you dare with what you dare and when you dare do me right or i will protest your cowardice you have killed a sweet lady and her death shall fall heavy on you let me hear from you claudio well i will meet you so i may have good cheer don pedro what a feast a feast claudio i faith i thank him he hath bid me to a calf s head and a capon the which if i do not carve most curiously say my knife s naught shall i not find a woodcock too benedick sir your wit ambles well it goes easily don pedro i ll tell thee how beatrice praised thy wit the other day i said thou hadst a fine wit true said she a fine little one no said i a great wit right says she a great gross one nay said i a good wit just said she it hurts nobody nay said i the gentleman is wise certain said she a wise gentleman nay said i he hath the tongues that i believe said she for he swore a thing to me on monday night which he forswore on tuesday morning there s a double tongue there s two tongues thus did she an hour together transshape thy particular virtues yet at last she concluded with a sigh thou wast the properest man in italy claudio for the which she wept heartily and said she cared not don pedro yea that she did but yet for all that an if she did not hate him deadly she would love him dearly the old man s daughter told us all claudio all all and moreover god saw him when he was hid in the garden don pedro but when shall we set the savage bull s horns on the sensible benedick s head claudio yea and text underneath here dwells benedick the married man benedick fare you well boy you know my mind i will leave you now to your gossip like humour you break jests as braggarts do their blades which god be thanked hurt not my lord for your many courtesies i thank you i must discontinue your company your brother the bastard is fled from messina you have among you killed a sweet and innocent lady for my lord lackbeard there he and i shall meet and till then peace be with him exit don pedro he is in earnest claudio in most profound earnest and i ll warrant you for the love of beatrice don pedro and hath challenged thee claudio most sincerely don pedro what a pretty thing man is when he goes in his doublet and hose and leaves off his wit claudio he is then a giant to an ape but then is an ape a doctor to such a man don pedro but soft you let me be pluck up my heart and be sad did he not say my brother was fled enter dogberry verges and the watch with conrade and borachio dogberry come you sir if justice cannot tame you she shall ne er weigh more reasons in her balance nay an you be a cursing hypocrite once you must be looked to don pedro how now two of my brother s men bound borachio one claudio hearken after their offence my lord don pedro officers what offence have these men done dogberry marry sir they have committed false report moreover they have spoken untruths secondarily they are slanders sixth and lastly they have belied a lady thirdly they have verified unjust things and to conclude they are lying knaves don pedro first i ask thee what they have done thirdly i ask thee what s their offence sixth and lastly why they are committed and to conclude what you lay to their charge claudio rightly reasoned and in his own division and by my troth there s one meaning well suited don pedro who have you offended masters that you are thus bound to your answer this learned constable is too cunning to be understood what s your offence borachio sweet prince let me go no farther to mine answer do you hear me and let this count kill me i have deceived even your very eyes what your wisdoms could not discover these shallow fools have brought to light who in the night overheard me confessing to this man how don john your brother incensed me to slander the lady hero how you were brought into the orchard and saw me court margaret in hero s garments how you disgraced her when you should marry her my villany they have upon record which i had rather seal with my death than repeat over to my shame the lady is dead upon mine and my master s false accusation and briefly i desire nothing but the reward of a villain don pedro runs not this speech like iron through your blood claudio i have drunk poison whiles he utter d it don pedro but did my brother set thee on to this borachio yea and paid me richly for the practise of it don pedro he is composed and framed of treachery and fled he is upon this villany claudio sweet hero now thy image doth appear in the rare semblance that i loved it first dogberry come bring away the plaintiffs by this time our sexton hath reformed signior leonato of the matter and masters do not forget to specify when time and place shall serve that i am an ass verges here here comes master signior leonato and the sexton too re enter leonato and antonio with the sexton leonato which is the villain let me see his eyes that when i note another man like him i may avoid him which of these is he borachio if you would know your wronger look on me leonato art thou the slave that with thy breath hast kill d mine innocent child borachio yea even i alone leonato no not so villain thou beliest thyself here stand a pair of honourable men a third is fled that had a hand in it i thank you princes for my daughter s death record it with your high and worthy deeds twas bravely done if you bethink you of it claudio i know not how to pray your patience yet i must speak choose your revenge yourself impose me to what penance your invention can lay upon my sin yet sinn d i not but in mistaking don pedro by my soul nor i and yet to satisfy this good old man i would bend under any heavy weight that he ll enjoin me to leonato i cannot bid you bid my daughter live that were impossible but i pray you both possess the people in messina here how innocent she died and if your love can labour ought in sad invention hang her an epitaph upon her tomb and sing it to her bones sing it to night to morrow morning come you to my house and since you could not be my son in law be yet my nephew my brother hath a daughter almost the copy of my child that s dead and she alone is heir to both of us give her the right you should have given her cousin and so dies my revenge claudio o noble sir your over kindness doth wring tears from me i do embrace your offer and dispose for henceforth of poor claudio leonato to morrow then i will expect your coming to night i take my leave this naughty man shall face to face be brought to margaret who i believe was pack d in all this wrong hired to it by your brother borachio no by my soul she was not nor knew not what she did when she spoke to me but always hath been just and virtuous in any thing that i do know by her dogberry moreover sir which indeed is not under white and black this plaintiff here the offender did call me ass i beseech you let it be remembered in his punishment and also the watch heard them talk of one deformed they say be wears a key in his ear and a lock hanging by it and borrows money in god s name the which he hath used so long and never paid that now men grow hard hearted and will lend nothing for god s sake pray you examine him upon that point leonato i thank thee for thy care and honest pains dogberry your worship speaks like a most thankful and reverend youth and i praise god for you leonato there s for thy pains dogberry god save the foundation leonato go i discharge thee of thy prisoner and i thank thee dogberry i leave an arrant knave with your worship which i beseech your worship to correct yourself for the example of others god keep your worship i wish your worship well god restore you to health i humbly give you leave to depart and if a merry meeting may be wished god prohibit it come neighbour exeunt dogberry and verges leonato until to morrow morning lords farewell antonio farewell my lords we look for you to morrow don pedro we will not fail claudio to night i ll mourn with hero leonato to the watch bring you these fellows on we ll talk with margaret how her acquaintance grew with this lewd fellow exeunt severally much ado about nothing act v scene ii leonato s garden enter benedick and margaret meeting benedick pray thee sweet mistress margaret deserve well at my hands by helping me to the speech of beatrice margaret will you then write me a sonnet in praise of my beauty benedick in so high a style margaret that no man living shall come over it for in most comely truth thou deservest it margaret to have no man come over me why shall i always keep below stairs benedick thy wit is as quick as the greyhound s mouth it catches margaret and yours as blunt as the fencer s foils which hit but hurt not benedick a most manly wit margaret it will not hurt a woman and so i pray thee call beatrice i give thee the bucklers margaret give us the swords we have bucklers of our own benedick if you use them margaret you must put in the pikes with a vice and they are dangerous weapons for maids margaret well i will call beatrice to you who i think hath legs benedick and therefore will come exit margaret sings the god of love that sits above and knows me and knows me how pitiful i deserve i mean in singing but in loving leander the good swimmer troilus the first employer of panders and a whole bookful of these quondam carpet mangers whose names yet run smoothly in the even road of a blank verse why they were never so truly turned over and over as my poor self in love marry i cannot show it in rhyme i have tried i can find out no rhyme to lady but baby an innocent rhyme for scorn horn a hard rhyme for school fool a babbling rhyme very ominous endings no i was not born under a rhyming planet nor i cannot woo in festival terms enter beatrice sweet beatrice wouldst thou come when i called thee beatrice yea signior and depart when you bid me benedick o stay but till then beatrice then is spoken fare you well now and yet ere i go let me go with that i came which is with knowing what hath passed between you and claudio benedick only foul words and thereupon i will kiss thee beatrice foul words is but foul wind and foul wind is but foul breath and foul breath is noisome therefore i will depart unkissed benedick thou hast frighted the word out of his right sense so forcible is thy wit but i must tell thee plainly claudio undergoes my challenge and either i must shortly hear from him or i will subscribe him a coward and i pray thee now tell me for which of my bad parts didst thou first fall in love with me beatrice for them all together which maintained so politic a state of evil that they will not admit any good part to intermingle with them but for which of my good parts did you first suffer love for me benedick suffer love a good epithet i do suffer love indeed for i love thee against my will beatrice in spite of your heart i think alas poor heart if you spite it for my sake i will spite it for yours for i will never love that which my friend hates benedick thou and i are too wise to woo peaceably beatrice it appears not in this confession there s not one wise man among twenty that will praise himself benedick an old an old instance beatrice that lived in the lime of good neighbours if a man do not erect in this age his own tomb ere he dies he shall live no longer in monument than the bell rings and the widow weeps beatrice and how long is that think you benedick question why an hour in clamour and a quarter in rheum therefore is it most expedient for the wise if don worm his conscience find no impediment to the contrary to be the trumpet of his own virtues as i am to myself so much for praising myself who i myself will bear witness is praiseworthy and now tell me how doth your cousin beatrice very ill benedick and how do you beatrice very ill too benedick serve god love me and mend there will i leave you too for here comes one in haste enter ursula ursula madam you must come to your uncle yonder s old coil at home it is proved my lady hero hath been falsely accused the prince and claudio mightily abused and don john is the author of all who is fed and gone will you come presently beatrice will you go hear this news signior benedick i will live in thy heart die in thy lap and be buried in thy eyes and moreover i will go with thee to thy uncle s exeunt much ado about nothing act v scene iii a church enter don pedro claudio and three or four with tapers claudio is this the monument of leonato lord it is my lord claudio reading out of a scroll done to death by slanderous tongues was the hero that here lies death in guerdon of her wrongs gives her fame which never dies so the life that died with shame lives in death with glorious fame hang thou there upon the tomb praising her when i am dumb now music sound and sing your solemn hymn song pardon goddess of the night those that slew thy virgin knight for the which with songs of woe round about her tomb they go midnight assist our moan help us to sigh and groan heavily heavily graves yawn and yield your dead till death be uttered heavily heavily claudio now unto thy bones good night yearly will i do this rite don pedro good morrow masters put your torches out the wolves have prey d and look the gentle day before the wheels of phoebus round about dapples the drowsy east with spots of grey thanks to you all and leave us fare you well claudio good morrow masters each his several way don pedro come let us hence and put on other weeds and then to leonato s we will go claudio and hymen now with luckier issue speed s than this for whom we render d up this woe exeunt much ado about nothing act v scene iv a room in leonato s house enter leonato antonio benedick beatrice margaret ursula friar francis and hero friar francis did i not tell you she was innocent leonato so are the prince and claudio who accused her upon the error that you heard debated but margaret was in some fault for this although against her will as it appears in the true course of all the question antonio well i am glad that all things sort so well benedick and so am i being else by faith enforced to call young claudio to a reckoning for it leonato well daughter and you gentle women all withdraw into a chamber by yourselves and when i send for you come hither mask d exeunt ladies the prince and claudio promised by this hour to visit me you know your office brother you must be father to your brother s daughter and give her to young claudio antonio which i will do with confirm d countenance benedick friar i must entreat your pains i think friar francis to do what signior benedick to bind me or undo me one of them signior leonato truth it is good signior your niece regards me with an eye of favour leonato that eye my daughter lent her tis most true benedick and i do with an eye of love requite her leonato the sight whereof i think you had from me from claudio and the prince but what s your will benedick your answer sir is enigmatical but for my will my will is your good will may stand with ours this day to be conjoin d in the state of honourable marriage in which good friar i shall desire your help leonato my heart is with your liking friar francis and my help here comes the prince and claudio enter don pedro and claudio and two or three others don pedro good morrow to this fair assembly leonato good morrow prince good morrow claudio we here attend you are you yet determined to day to marry with my brother s daughter claudio i ll hold my mind were she an ethiope leonato call her forth brother here s the friar ready exit antonio don pedro good morrow benedick why what s the matter that you have such a february face so full of frost of storm and cloudiness claudio i think he thinks upon the savage bull tush fear not man we ll tip thy horns with gold and all europa shall rejoice at thee as once europa did at lusty jove when he would play the noble beast in love benedick bull jove sir had an amiable low and some such strange bull leap d your father s cow and got a calf in that same noble feat much like to you for you have just his bleat claudio for this i owe you here comes other reckonings re enter antonio with the ladies masked which is the lady i must seize upon antonio this same is she and i do give you her claudio why then she s mine sweet let me see your face leonato no that you shall not till you take her hand before this friar and swear to marry her claudio give me your hand before this holy friar i am your husband if you like of me hero and when i lived i was your other wife unmasking and when you loved you were my other husband claudio another hero hero nothing certainer one hero died defiled but i do live and surely as i live i am a maid don pedro the former hero hero that is dead leonato she died my lord but whiles her slander lived friar francis all this amazement can i qualify when after that the holy rites are ended i ll tell you largely of fair hero s death meantime let wonder seem familiar and to the chapel let us presently benedick soft and fair friar which is beatrice beatrice unmasking i answer to that name what is your will benedick do not you love me beatrice why no no more than reason benedick why then your uncle and the prince and claudio have been deceived they swore you did beatrice do not you love me benedick troth no no more than reason beatrice why then my cousin margaret and ursula are much deceived for they did swear you did benedick they swore that you were almost sick for me beatrice they swore that you were well nigh dead for me benedick tis no such matter then you do not love me beatrice no truly but in friendly recompense leonato come cousin i am sure you love the gentleman claudio and i ll be sworn upon t that he loves her for here s a paper written in his hand a halting sonnet of his own pure brain fashion d to beatrice hero and here s another writ in my cousin s hand stolen from her pocket containing her affection unto benedick benedick a miracle here s our own hands against our hearts come i will have thee but by this light i take thee for pity beatrice i would not deny you but by this good day i yield upon great persuasion and partly to save your life for i was told you were in a consumption benedick peace i will stop your mouth kissing her don pedro how dost thou benedick the married man benedick i ll tell thee what prince a college of wit crackers cannot flout me out of my humour dost thou think i care for a satire or an epigram no if a man will be beaten with brains a shall wear nothing handsome about him in brief since i do purpose to marry i will think nothing to any purpose that the world can say against it and therefore never flout at me for what i have said against it for man is a giddy thing and this is my conclusion for thy part claudio i did think to have beaten thee but in that thou art like to be my kinsman live unbruised and love my cousin claudio i had well hoped thou wouldst have denied beatrice that i might have cudgelled thee out of thy single life to make thee a double dealer which out of question thou wilt be if my cousin do not look exceedingly narrowly to thee benedick come come we are friends let s have a dance ere we are married that we may lighten our own hearts and our wives heels leonato we ll have dancing afterward benedick first of my word therefore play music prince thou art sad get thee a wife get thee a wife there is no staff more reverend than one tipped with horn enter a messenger messenger my lord your brother john is ta en in flight and brought with armed men back to messina benedick think not on him till to morrow i ll devise thee brave punishments for him strike up pipers dance exeunt